Apple, the dementors of the technological world

Apple just sucked another large chunk out of my ever diminishing consumerist soul. My iPhone broke. As in, completely won't turn on/restore. This isn't really an unusual thing to happen in the life of a smartphone owner, unfortunately. I guess every phone breaks after a while (even my dad's nokia brick only lasted 11 years) . The thing is, I had owned this particular iPhone for exactly 1 week when it decided to stop working. So by the time my iPhone gets back from apple, where it is being repaired because it is faulty, it will have already spend double the amount of time I have physically spent with it being fixed.  

I feel cheated and let down. I have owned iPhones for the last 8 years. I am a die hard apple fan. The first computer we ever had in my family was a (massive, looking back on it) apple mac. My grandad owned one of the first apple computer in Ireland, and it's still in my granny's attic. So I am a die hard apple fan. How could they prove the haters right and leave me with a broken phone after 1 week? 

For a moment I nearly considered selling my iPhone and getting, gasp, a samsung. I have heard nothing really bad about the samsug galaxy S6 (actually, my boyfriends mum's broke after a week, but apart from that), and I know android is a much more fluid and customisable operating system, and it is equal to, if not better then iOS. 

But, I am not going to. Owning apple products is like being in an abusive relationship. It's so good at the start, and even though they manipulate you and treat you like shit, you keep coming back for more. The really clear interface. The fact that they are so pretty. The fact that I know my macbook will last me for years, and the update after the new one has to be better than the last, surely? 

I know apple are completely playing on all my consumerist weaknesses, from the packaging to iMessage and everything in between. and I am not going to pretend to know a lot about computers, and argue the individual specs. Even writing this makes me feel unqualified for the post (if that even is a thing). I guess all I really know is that I really really like apple products and I really really don't like the idea of not owning apple products and although I may have been brainwashed into thinking this I don't want the fantasy to end. Not yet.

So, I don't have a phone for a week because the new software update damaged the software (ironic, I guess), and even though apple are the ones that left me stranded in this technology desert (ok I am over reacting, I still have an iPad, a TV and a laptop) I am counting down the days until I see that little white logo light up my phone once more. 

And I don't have to awkwardly skulk around bookies to use their free wifi so I can meet up with people. But that is a whole other post. 

Judge a man not by his character, but his ability to wear heels

Walking down Nassau Street last night at around 9.30 I came across a group of girls who were obviously on their way out. A couple of the girls were barefoot, carrying their shoes. Now, I'm not going to pretend that has never been me, on a night out. As I was watching them I was wearing shoes that were trying to amputate my feet, or so it felt. Many times, after wearing heels on a night out I have taken them home and walked home barefoot because I have reached my pain threshold for the night.  

But if it's before ten and you are going barefoot, and you're sober... why did you wear heels out? This is something I cannot understand. I never really wear heels out, not because I don't like them, but because I can't. Dyspraxia, having very small feet for my height and drinking is like the perfect recipe for bruises that look like I've been hit with a hammer. Not wearing heels means I am able to scamper around time my hearts content and walk home afterwards. 

Being tall means that I don't need heels for height, so I guess I am privileged in this way. I am roughly the same size as most of my friends, if not taller, when they are in heels and I am in flats. I can see how it might make you self conscious if you were smaller then your friends and wearing flats. Probably not as self conscious as when you will inevitably flop yourself on dublin's uneven pavements( I have twisted my ankle, sober, in flats about 5 times due to potholes in the pavement) but maybe I'm just sensitive. Also, unless you have that incredible girl-power that my friends seem to have, don't go anywhere near temple bar in heels because you will die, and if you have this power non of this article applies to you anyway. 

Not being able to walk in heels is one of the most unattractive things ever. The pain, or the change in gait or something forces you to adopt a pose much like turkey. No matter how good you may look, or how great your makeup is, you still look kind of like a turkey. And the wobbling makes you look like your ankles are separate entities and they have been drinking for 3 days and are trying to escape. 

The average irish male is about at eye level for me so when I'm wearing heels I can pat them on the head with ease. This is a huge perk of wearing heels but not, at the end of the day, worth the blisters/ walking like this

If you are a girl and you can walk in heels, you deserve a free pair. People (men) who don't/haven't worn heels do not understand the incredible feat that is taking place every time you walk somewhere. Also people (men, but especially women who have worn heels) should NEVER EVER hate on men who do. They are taking something that is difficult and making themselves great. If you diss a man (or anyone) wearing heels you deserve to get that heel impaled in your foot. After all, it's more or less how it feels for them (or for me, because I am weak).

Every day I see women (and the guy who I pass on camden street) contorting their feet into an unnatural position and looking frickin' amazing while doing it and I want to salute you all for your skill and bravery. But, if, like me, you do not posses such skill... leave the heels at home. 

Scream Queens Review/ Sorority chainsaw massacre

I can't stop watching scream queens. Not because it's a good TV show, because in most senses it's not. I don't really care what happens to the main character, grace. In fact, I'd actively like if she dies. She is the typical, nice girl who meets bitchy, rich mean girls and needs to save the world type, and it's boring. She isn't even funny. She wears a paddy cap (if that's the right word, you know what I mean). I was disappointed when her head wasn't mown off with a lawnmower. Hopefully the 'red devil' (creepy masked guy who is killing everyone) cuts of her paddy cap wearing, self righteous, do- gooder head in a future episode.

  "You know what, maybe it’s not Grace I don’t really like. Maybe it’s that fucking newsboy cap that this bitch NEVER TAKES OFF" _ desi-khaleesi, tumblr

There are some serious problems with this show. The only two coloured female characters talk like they are from the ghetto, which seems like a really really pathetic attempt to a) have a diverse cast (really??? did you even try??) and b) shitty, kind of racist humour that isn't even funny but instead makes me think about the representation of minorities and people of colour on screen, and feel sad. The two LGBT characters are both predatory and come across as desperate and seedy- the lesbian being butch and man hating, which just doesn't add anything to the show as well as being mildly offensive and tired. Most of the characters I just can't care about. I haven't actually even felt any emotion at anyone dying yet. 

But, despite all this, I have watched all 5 episodes and I can't wait for next weeks. The clothes and bitchiness in this show are SO ON POINT I am prepared to sit through all the rest of the (many) boring bits and watch characters that I don't care about die. Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin is a genius. She has perfected the sassy, spoiled sociopath and I want to watch every minute of her being a psycho bitch that I can. 

Then, their is the clothes. I don't know what to say about the clothes, only is I start wearing cat-eye sunglasses and a pink fur coat all year round the you know why I am doing it. Also, if you know why I suddenly turn into a complete and utter psychopath, you know my inspiration 

World Mental Health Day!

I have been sat here staring at a blank page trying to think about something to write about world mental health day. Not because I don't have anything to say, but because I have too much. Mental health is something that has hugely affected me. I don't want to write 'my story', because it is still too soon, for me and the people who supported me through it. I also don't want to write a general piece on how the silence and stigma needs to change either, because how ever much I try to distance myself from it, I can't. 

So I am, instead, going to write about how, at the darkest and worst times of my life, when I couldn't see a reason for living, because it was too painful, there were people who stuck by me no matter what. Who loved me, despite the hell I was going through and bring them along with me. 

It's a massive cliche, but I am still here in no part thanks to the mental health services in ireland. Individually, I have had the fortune to have met some lovely health care practicioners, nurses and doctors who despite working in a terrible system still managed to make a difference. 

I could spend all day talking about the terrible things that renowned doctors said to me, and my parents. The times when I was in desperate need but the waiting list to see anybody was a year long, the general insensitivity that seems to be prevalent and the sheer ignorance of mental health in this country, and the world in general. But this is not what got me here today. 

What got me here today was my mum and dad, who let me drop out of school. Who understood that I couldn't get out of bed and didn't make me feel bad about it, because they knew how much pressure I put myself under. Who drove me to appointment after appointment even when nothing seemed to be working and never, ever complained. 

My sisters and brother. For forgiving me for taking up all my parents energy and attention, and never once made me feel ashamed for it. Who even when I was at my sickest still treated me as normal. 

My friends. Aoife and Jean,at the earlier stages, Emma and Emsie and Katie, later on. The people who listened to me and loved me even though nobody really understood what was going on, least of all me. People think they have best friends, and I guess they kind of do, but not like that. Aoife and jean basically kept me alive when I honestly felt like the real caoimhe had died and there was an empty shell left. They were there through the worst days of my life. They understand my need to make horrible jokes about it all and they laugh. Even though they had awful stuff going on too they still let a massive centre stage light shine on me for years. I am becoming incoherent because I am blinded by love. These are the people that helped me recover. 

The girls I met in hospital also get a special mention. I won't name you, but you know who you are. Somebody that can make you laugh when you feel so bad that you can't even shower is somebody that deserves a medal, especially because they feel bad too. You were the people who really helped me through hospital. 

My boyfriend, for not caring. And for letting me cry. And for understanding that it is physically impossible for me to cry while watching TLC and not caring that he has sat through far more reality TV then I have ever sat through foot ball matches. Even though he didn't know what he was really getting into, he never cared. And he always calls me to ask if I'm ok. And know when I'm lying.

All the teachers, and lectures, and tutors that made sure I could continue with my education.  That made me feel ok about walking into a class not having gone for weeks. That extended my deadlines, and understood that I get anxious about answering emails. That spent time helping me to catch up. I may have not always said it, but thank you from the bottom of my heart. You made being sick and having some sort of normal life happen. You made sure I was able to continue my education, the most important thing to me. 

The people who knew I was unwell, and asked was I ok. That were nice and understanding about me missing a lot of time in college and didn't make me feel bad or weird about it. All you people are in halls, in college, in school... The fact I could be having a shitty time and someone would be nice and understanding has made me feel so much better so many times. You might not even know that you are doing it. But thank you.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, thank you. I don't always say it. I feel awkward. All these people were not trained doctors, or nurses, or psychiatrists, or psychologists or therapists but you helped me get to where I am today. You have made such a huge difference to my life and I am so grateful to have all of you. 

So, if you're struggling, look around. You might not be able to see it but there are people that love you and are trying to help you as best they know how. Mental illness is just as serious as physical illness. It's not just in your head. Your health is the most important thing. Don't be ashamed to suffer from mental illness. 

I guess I'm living proof that it does get better. Even if getting better seems the most impossible thing in the world. 

Blogtober (it's pronounced Blog-toe-bear)

The blog-toe-bear hating on basics xxxxx

Mainly because I have loads of amazing costume ideas but I hate actually wearing costumes, I've decided to do 1 piece a week dedicated to halloween and call it blogtober, because I am unoriginal and my eyes are really dry from my contacts and it popped up a lot in youtube, advising you How Not To Be A Dick this halloween. 

Obviously, the usual How Not To Be A Dick rules apply. If you need a quick refresher, don't skip people who are obviously queuing, don't talk loudly on any form of public transport, don't rip out pages from library books and, in general, respect other people. Especially people who work in the service industry. Just because you are on the other side of the counter doesn't make you better, and if you are rude and degrading you are revealing yourself to be a unconfident slug of a person who constantly has to degrade people they perceive as less than themselves to reassure themselves they are important.

Which is really unattractive. Also, I should probably say that I am not implying that you are a dick if you do any of the below things. The above, yes. I mostly named it Don't Be A Dick because I like the sound of it, and I needed to have an internet record of the man I saw being a complete dick to the girl trying to serve him lunch. Hun, you don't send back your food and refuse to pay when you've eaten 3/4s of it.

Halloween used to be my favourite holiday until nobody wanted to be a witch anymore unless it involved a corset and garter. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm all for sexy costumes. I'm even all for sexy witches. What I am not for is those really fricken expesive sexy goldilocks costumes. Goldilocks was not sexy. She was a spoilt little girl! Apply this to the 30 other costume ideas that are out there, ready to be bought in plastic bags and you are completely copping out of halloween and the extreme fun you could be having Not Being A Dick and not wearing a basic bitch costume. This does not just apply to girls, obviously. The male versions are just as terrible and depressing. Even worse. At least I will look kind of cute as a sexy nun.

If you don't want to go the full paper mache on it, don't buy a terrible costume. Buy some animal ears. Wear a sheet. Buy fake blood and go as a dead version of yourself. Spend the €30+ you would spend on a shitty costume that's not going to win the prize or look good on pints. Trust me. When your out that night, you will thank me. 


(also the title is now 'How Not To Be a Basic Bitch' but I still needed to rant about the how not to be a dick thing)

(also yes I am aware that this post is shit and rambly but good things will come soon, maybe)

(check out my sweet autumn header and background too. ok, goodnight) 

My self-worth weighs as much as I do (in the bad way)

The first time I remember feeling fat was when I was 5. I was sitting in my desk at school and I hated how big my legs got when I sat down, so I'd kind of perch on my chair with my legs crossed so that wouldn't happen. 

I wasn't even anyway fat. In fact, I was tiny. I had to buy clothes for 6 year olds when I was 9. But still, somewhere in the back of my mind, even though I was embarrassed about not being able to borrow my friends clothes because they hung off me, I still thought I was fat. I know I'm not the only one. Ask any little girl if they are happy about their body and they will point out areas they hate. Even if you once were a little girl who hated your body you will still be surprised about how much venom they can muster to describe their body. And how you they are. Nobody should ever hate their body, but nobody who is under the age of 16 especially. And if you are under the age of 13 it should be against the law.

I'm writing this because the worst thing you can say to a girl is call her fat, because that word has been conditioned in our brains to sting more than calling us sociopaths, or idiots. I'm writing this because over the summer I have gained weight and now I can't bear to wear tight clothes. Even though I love tight clothes. I'm writing this because I have heard so many guys joke about getting with fat girls, comparing the worth of a girl to her body shape and yet they don't even think twice about the fact that if they were held up to the same standards they would be the joke? 

Perceived ideas about bodyweight and appearance have stopped so many of my friends (and me) from doing things. It has made us shy and apologetic. It has made us go on ridiculous diets, and do horrible things. I feel shitty because I hate my weight. i am not the only one. I know that so many other girls out there feel the same and are struggling with the same not so great relationship with food and body image and it makes me sad and kind of angry. Sad, because I know I wasn't the only one who grew up valuing being thin and beautiful over everything else. Angry, because it didn't have to be like this. If I had been a boy it wouldn't have been like this. How many little boys value their whole self worth on appearance? How many men? Obviously in this shallow world it is difficult for men too, and I understand that it is  still somewhat taboo to talk honestly, as a man about how you feel about the pressure of conforming to a certain body image, and I am in now way trying to take from that.

But you will probably never have strangers shouting criticisms about your body in the street You will never have the shop assistant tell you that you that spanks would "sort all that out" when your trying on a dress. Nobody will ever tell you that the amount you eat isn't 'lady like', or that the club you go to 'only lets in skinny girls'. You never have to fear people whispering "does she actually think she's skinny enough to wear that?'" 

We shouldn't place so much value on the size of our thighs. I could probably say this until I was blue in the face and it wouldn't make me feel any different, but we shouldn't. I have a little sister who's 13 and the thought of her hating any part of herself makes me feel sick. So, even though it's hard, I am trying to stop placing all my self worth on how much I weight and instead on the type of person I am. It's hard. Very hard. But if it means that my sister cares a tiny bit less about how she looks and a tiny bit more about the person she is, it will have succeeded.

So the next time you call anybody fat, or criticise how they look, think. If they are a shit person, criticise that instead. We all worry so much about what's on the outside. Your body gets you around. Your body dances to beyonce. It loves you. Try to love it back a little.

(also for clarification if they are a horrible person and wearing awful clothes feel free to criticise the clothes. They are a reflection of the person inside, of course. At the moment, my inner person must be a chav)

Starting College! My top tips from the top

The last post I made left me with 8 invitations to join the headspace app from my mum (hi mum) so I thought I'd focus on something a little less angry this time. I am repeating my first year of college due to illness and I thought I would help all you people out who are going into their first year because I am THAT NICE.

Seriously though, repeating first year is the best thing I've done. having had the experience of going through it a first time I can actually enjoy it, especially the start because I know what to expect, what to do to make it slightly easier and small traumas, like emptying the bins and having to buy my own toilet paper have faded away. I've been buying my own toilet paper for 1 year now. It's ok.

This post is not going to be one that says talk to people, or make a budget. Obviously, these are important things but come on, everyone knows this and if you don't it's probably in your student welcome pack or something. These are the specific things I have learned that nobody told me. So yeah, they might not be life changing but they will help!

My first tip is this- get a boots card and a tesco club card. if you like coffee, get a costa card. For so many years of my life I was completely against signing up for any of these but you get points for money you are already spending, there is literally nothing to lose. In a year I have got €12 on my boots card and a free large chai latte in costa, 3 free burritos (just got my fourth today) and a bottle of wine (yes wine! A FREE BOTTLE OF WINE!!!) in tesco just for giving someone a card. I don't even have to do anything. Its in my purse already. its kind of like extreme coupling for the lazy person, with no effort. 

Eason give a student discount of like 10% or something. When I was getting stationary nobody seemed to realise this but it is a thing. So many places don't advertise their student discount which is sneaky so always check or ask. You are a broke student after all. It's not embarrassing.

Evernote is the best for note taking on your laptop/ipad. It divides notes into notebooks, is really easy to use, is free, you can clip in pictures/links/document photos of handouts you are given and it syncs with everything. The only thing I ever use. It is great. Use it. 

If you are a trinity student in the arts block, don't use the toilets downstairs that everybody uses. Go upstairs. There is never anyone in the 4th floor toilets so it's actually quicker to go up than it is to queue with everybody else.

Topshop off grafton street has terrible sales. The ones in liffey valley/blanchardstown are much, much, MUCH better. 

Everyone is kind of shy, even if they are being really loud and obnoxious. So you are definitely not alone. Stop pretending to check your phone and talk to someone. They are going to be so grateful. Nobody minds someone talking to them, and if they do they are a dick and it's been useful to find out, anyway.

There is always a little section of the fridge in supermarkets with discounted fresh food that is about to go past it's sell by date. This is your friend. You can get fancy, freshly prepared home meals for like €2, usually more than 1/2 price. 

You don't have to a trend the library tour- all the information is on the website and it is a complete waste of time.

If you are struggling to look up sources for an essay, wiki the topic and look at the sources as a general guide. Obviously you need to read these articles/books and reference them properly. Oh, and reference them. If you don't it's plagiarism. Which is something you never ever want to do.

Take notes in all your lectures. I have been in so many lectures where nobody has been taking any notes and you are going to be in so much trouble when it comes to exams. In trinity exams are half a year away from the first term. There is no way in hell you are going to remember what was said. Even to just give you a general guide on what the lecturer was talking about so you have an idea of what you need to study and how much depth they went in to. Not all lectures put a lot on blackboard. 

If you are ever really really broke, buy pasta sauce in lidl for 48c and spaghetti for 50 c and you can live off that for a surprisingly long time. Also porridge is really filling and really cheap. Lidl and aldi do wine for under €5, go early and get cheaplist and walk there and back if you need a super cheap night out. 

The best way to avoid a hangover is to drink a pint of water before bed and wear anti-travel sickness bands. You might laugh, but anti-travel sickness bands are the number one cure. if they can cure morning sickness, they can cure a hangover. 

Keep an umbrella in your bag at all times. yes, they take up tonnes of space and you will never think you need it. But ireland is rainy and horrible and an umbrella can make a miserable day slightly less miserable. Or at the very least, stop rain running down your back. 

If you are ever supremely desperate, you can steal toilet paper from a cafe/pub/college if they aren't locked into a dispenser. An industrial roll will last you over 4 months. It can be hard to find one though, so don't be too desperate.

I hope some of these helped. I am aware that this hasn't been the most exciting blog post ever or anywhere near the best, and I apologise for that, Anyone have any more top tips, please share them with me!

till next time.