NEW BEGININGS

You might have noticed this blog has been very, very quiet as of later. It has become a graveyard of posts past. BUT DO NOT FRET! I have new blog that I am active on so you can STILL read my ramblings!!!! I like to think of this blog as the catipiler, and the new blog as a butterfly. It is visually prettier but still the same thing on the inside. I can't wait to see you over there!!

Some posts to get you started: 
CONNOR MCGREGOR AND GAY SLURS
GOBLIN QUEEN: WELCOME TO EXAM SEASON
WHEN PANIC STRIKES: DEALING WITH PANIC ATTACKS

WHAT TO DO IF COLLEGE ISN'T WORKING OUT

In Ireland there is a lot of pressure to go to college, even if you don't know what you actually want to do, or know that what you do want to do does not require a degree. There is also a weird sort of procedure about it. You put some high points courses down 'just in case', and often in trinity, even if you don't think you really want to do them, or haven't researched them at all. Then you put down, in order according to the points that was allocated to that course last year, courses that you think you might get. I have overheard and know of many a person who is studying for a particular course 'because they got the points'. Similarly a lot of people don't follow what they really want to do because their parents (or themselves) don't think they will get a career out of it.

Unfortunately, you only get one chance to do each year in college or university. After that, you fees are no longer subsidised. So, if you don't think you know what to do, but are going to college to increase your earnings- don't. Follow your heart. Work in retail and travel the world, or become an actress or model or paint or drive a train. In the long run you are saving yourself money if you find a course that is what you want to do. Even if you are a couple of years into college and suddenly realise it isn't for you- leave. Time is the one thing we can't extend or buy or even realise how much we have left. Do the things you love while you can do them. 

If college is what you want to do but you are struggling, don't struggle alone. The same applies as above. Lectures, heads of department, and tutors all want to help you (and if they don't they aren't very good at their jobs and someone will). It is so easy to reach out for help at the start of the year, or when problems are beginning to happen, and so tricky when things have gone on for a while. If you need your mum to be there when you meet any of these people, do it. They won't mind, as long as they know its your decision. 

As many people know, I repeated my first year and it was one of the best decisions (for me) considering how unwell I was. I am on the path I need to be on, but I know that if I had been able to talk to people I could have stopped things (academically, maybe not health wise) getting as bad as they did, until it got to the point a whole year needed to be repeated. I suppose I am very lucky as I adore my course, and can't imagine doing anything else. Studying doesn't feel like a chore. 

I also am very keenly aware of how preachy and self help-y this sounds. I still miss lectures and don't catch up on readings like the next person. I watch netflix so much I can tell it I am still watching what feels like 6 or 7 times. My diet is 80% chips. Sometimes I cry when I am hungry. I don't cry about uni however, or the choices I have made with regards to that so if you are, change something! 

MIDTERM CRISIS

A midterm crisis, for those not in the know, is exactly the same as the mid life crisis, except it occurs mid way through a term rather than life, and on a much smaller budget. Not being, middle aged I can't really say what exactly a mid life crisis is about, but my mid term crisis was centred upon the crushing weight of work I have yet to do, things I have yet to organise and emails I have yet to reply to, alongside exhaustion that makes me feel like I could happily go into hibernation, and my current lack of a job. 

I dragged myself into college despite feeling slightly fever-y for a meeting, wearing gym gear and a baseball cap. I have a vague recollection of this meeting being successful despite the fact the room was spinning and I rudely cut people off mid sentence a few times due to not being quite sure whether I in fact was actually in Trinity and not dreaming, in bed. I got ID'd in CEX buying the first bioshock game, went to see the girl on the train. Collapsed into bed to fever dreams that had me convince my boyfriend that there was a drink deal on a viking website to the point he googled it. 

My mid term crisis culminated with a crack. Unfortunately, the crack was that of one of my teeth splitting in half quite spectacularly. Not trusting any dentist but my own with a tooth that has already cost more than I would like to know in root canals I got the first bus I was awake for down to Kilkenny, in deep mourning for my days as a women with all her teeth. 

This was incredibly over dramatic, and incredibly vain. An image of of myself, laughing attractively to reveal a terrifying black gap in my smile where my tooth had once been (despite the fact the tooth was right in the back) was the only thing on my mind. On the way to my bus I consumed a large coffee, and then bought a large chai latte in Starbucks in order to use the toilet, which backfire because once it was finished and I was 20 mins into my 90 min bus journey I needed a wee once again. Eventually though, I got to my dentist office, early, to see whether anything could be done. 

My dentist is a hero. After some begging, she agreed to leave my tooth intact, removing the broken half and reconstructing it. While doing an incredible job, it was also a time consuming job. It could have taken the next 3 years and I would walk out happy at the end of it with the knowledge all my teeth were intact. 

Thirty minutes into what turned out to be a procedure that would take the same length of time as my bus journey, everything took a turn for the worse. The news came on, and the 7th circle of hell opened up. Trapped in the dentist chair, with several instruments stuck in my mouth and no way of signalling clearly to my dentist that I'd like a change in the station, a speech by Enda Kenny was broadcasted. 

Hearing Enda Kenny talk about pornography is a little portal to hell that can be accessed by anyone with an understanding of the english language. I would rather watch the entirety of Nathan Caters bank holiday special that ever here that again (something I wrote about how much I dislike Nathan here). It ended eventually, and I walked out of the dentist office with half a brand new tooth. Weirdly enough, my midterm crisis was over. 

I think it ended because hearing Enda talk about porn was a low point in my life, and it could only go uphill from there. Even hearing him mention the word is like a magical remedy for any academically induced crisis. It hurts, and is painful, and leaves a rather large mental scar, but at the end of the day places you on the up once again. 

REPEAL THE EIGHT

I haven't written for a while because I felt like I had nothing worth saying. Not in a bad way, but in a normal way. Life ebs and flows and sometimes you have something to write about, and sometimes you don't. 

The woman standing on outside reproductive choices changed all that. I wasn't about to walk in because I was pregnant. I can't imagine what that would be like. I know that if the situation arose, I would have an abortion. My body, my choice. Thirty years after my mum campaigned for the freedom to choose, my body is still not mine. I don't have to justify my reasons for this to anybody, but I know there are people who will scream and shove pictures of foetuses in my face. All I will say on the matter is, if I was a the only match for a bone marrow transplant that would save a life, I would not be forced to give that transplant because I have bodily autonomy  I have the right to choose what happens to my body, except when I happen to be pregnant. Once the baby is born nobody will give a fuck. 

As I walked into the clinic, a woman grabbed my arm. It caught me so unawares, because she looked like a normal passerby and not a protestor. Before I knew it, a leaflet was in my hand and she was standing in front of me, blocking my route in the door. "I know why you are going in, pet. you are so young, you are making the wrong choice. let us help you" 

She thought I was pregnant, and I was going to the clinic to get adivice on abortion. All this was definitly assumed because I was single and alone, despite the fact the clinic offers many services, help getting an abortion just one of them. 

She started talking to me about a clinic down the road, and shepherding me towards it. Of support for my choice. She didn't want to let me in the door, did not want to hear that I wasn't pregnant, that in fact I was just seeing a doctor. And suddenly I was standing alone, several doors down, with a leaflet in my hand telling me that a choice I would make about my body was evil and wrong, and that I would regret it for the rest of my life and feel empty and have helped murder an innocent life. 

I crumpled it up and put it in the bin before it could poison someone else. I regret not standing up to that woman, looking her in the eyes and telling her to fuck off with her phamplets, to keep her views and beliefs out of my reproductive system. Every woman knows best what is right for her. And illegal abortion does not mean no abortion. It just makes accessing safe procedures finically impossible for poorer women. Which is why, when I stand up a fight for the 8th amendment to be repealed, I am not standing for myself. I could, if the worst came to the worst, scrape together the money to get a flight to England  I am standing up to fight for all the women who can't. 

RETURN (OF THE KING) & HARD EARNED ELECTRIC PICNIC TIPS

After an entire summer spent in various parts of the US, I have returned home to a soggy Ireland. I spent my summer working in a camp (an interesting experience) and staying with my aunt and uncle outside Sacramento. I completely ignored this blog (and basically all forms of social media), partly due to a workplace that banned technology, mostly due to the fact that I was living with 11 nine year olds for 7 weeks. 

I'm still recovering from the latter experience,and making up for the former with A LOT of internet time. I am planning some new posts about my camp experience (if anyone is interested) and I hope to stick to posting once a week for the next couple of months.  

This friday will mark the beginning of my fourth electric picnic. I have been going since I was 16 and it never fails to be an incredible weekend. Over the last two years the atmosphere has changed a lot and a very different catchment of people are beginning to swap it for lack of a large 3 day festival alternative which is a bit disappointing. Adding to the are 50 thousand people going this year which is a lot more than usual, I am missing one of the main elements to festival enjoyment (shout out to a certain Aoife Mableson here), AND there's a hurricane forecasted. So, I'm being sound and posting some of my hard earned tips for all those brave souls venturing out for the first time, or third incase there is something valuable in them. Please tell me yours too!

1. Bring little packets of tissues instead of bringing toilet paper. because nobody want to carry around a full roll,and portaloos are not somewhere you want to depend on for anything. Ever. Portaloo's or portals as autocorrect keeps trying to change it to, which is accurate as they are portals into a world unburdened with the knowledge that dirt causes disease (or perhaps an alternative universe where pre-industrial revolution hygiene is acceptable) are not that unbearable until the Monday morning. No need to get worked up until then. 
2. It's possible to survive soley on nature valley bars and bulmers for three days, its just not pleasant  Bring portable food (cheese strings, cereal boxes, pringles) and your overall happiness levels will increase by 80%. Just make sure that its sturdy portable food, and prepare never to want to eat it again, or until you go to another music festival.
3. If you're drinking spirits, divide it out into 3 days worth while distilling it into your non- glass container. prevents spillage (thus saving you precious alcohol), prevents getting too drunk on one night and not drunk enough on another (saving you fun) and generally makes life a breeze. Also, don't mix vodka and raspberry isotonic drink because what you may earn in electrolytes you will lose in self respect and it tastes vile. And yes, I know that one from personal experience. 
4. Bin bags can be used for a multitude of things and will never not be useful. Some of these uses include the obvious- for gathering rubbish, to the less obvious (perfect seating on muddy ground, a temporary poncho, and my favourite- shoes) 
5. If you leave your wellies outside your tent they will be stolen and you'll have to resort to using bin bags to get you to the oxfam stall as mentioned above. 
6. Bring a proper camping mat if it's the only thing you invest in. Otherwise the ground will absorb all you body heat and you will be in for on of the coldest nights of your life and will want to go home. And don't rely on your air mattress because it will most probably deflate and leave you sleeping on said ground. 
7. When it gets dark it gets REALLY really cold. Bring a hat. Bring ugly, warm clothes. Bring a torch, and stay up as long as you can. Sleeping in the next morning when it gets warmer is much more enjoyable than being awake when its warmer. I went to bed before 5 twice in my EP career, once the first year when I was so cold I thought I was going to die, and once in my third year when I had hypothermia and the medic tent gave me a heat blanket (so it wasn't quite the same). The first time, I was so cold and kept up so late anyway by the noise I was considering calling my mother to take me home, and the second I missed out on everything so it was shitcraic either way, and despite an increase in temperature. 
8. Don't be a dick. Easier said then done, but try not to be a dick. Everyone just wants to have a good time, and being a dick brings out the worst in everyone around you. If the guys camping beside us one year hadn't been rapey, rude and aggressive to us and everyone near us, we would've helped them put up their tent and they wouldn't have slept inside it while it was flattened on the ground. When I was in the medics tent the medics were way nicer to people who weren't being aggressive and rude to them. The guards are nicer to people who treat them with respect, the bouncers are nicer to people who aren't giving them hassle... it all works out in the end.
9. Don't be an idiot. It is a music festival, and there are a lot of people who take drugs. If you are planning to, be safe. Every year I have seen people who have taken too much and put themseleves in potentially dangerous situations. There are loads of things you can do to make using drugs safer (This website has loads of tips). At best, you could prevent your friends being pissed off at you because you ruined their night, or save yourself from having a bad weekend. At worse, you could prevent yourself from becoming very ill. 
10. Blister plasters. Because whatever shoes you wear, you will get blisters. Its inevitable, and blister plasters can bring a weekend from a 5 to a 9 real quick. Free plasters from the Order of Malta can only bring a gal so far. 

So there you have all the tips I can remember before I arrive at EP and the really significant ones pop into my head again. Have fun, stay safe, and don't breathe while using a portaloo on monday. 

HOW TO HELP A FRIEND WHO SUFFERS FROM A MENTAL ILLNESS

One in four people will at some point suffer from mental illness, which can be really difficult when it's your friend (or you). It is hard to balance friendship and helping someone who is unwell. The most important thing is making sure that you keep yourself well. If helping someone with their problems is starting to impact your own physical health, you have to pull back and take care of yourself above all. 

I think the most important thing to do if a friend tells you they are suffering is insist that they need to get professional help. There is no way that you can make them better because you are not a trained professional and you are not a neutral party. Everyone needs to get stuff off their chest and talk to their friends, but friends cannot replace a doctors advice. Friends cannot perscribe medicine, or therapy, or diagnosis. When you are friends with someone you can't give them the proper care they need. If someone is refusing to get the help they need (and people will, especially when they are over 18 and can do so) it is not your responsibility to step in. However loyal you are to them as a friend, or however much you love them, insist they get help or step back (easier said than done). It is not selfish to be unwell, but it is selfish to put undue stress on people who love you because you will not try to get better. 

That being said, if your friend agrees, help them through the process. Going to an appointment alone (especially the first one) can be scary and a lonely feeling. Someone times, all it takes is a text to say that you hope it went well, or a coffee after to make a massive difference to someone who probably feels quite isolated already. 

If someone you know is a danger to themselves or others, forget what they will think of you and whether they will be angry at you and call an ambulance/ the police. When people are really unwell rationality goes out the window. The guards/parmedics can do wellness checks and will evaluate whether the person needs to be in hospital. If you are worried about someone it is for a reason. Likewise, if someone is not in immediate danger but is acting recklessly and could endanger their own life, call their parents, even if they hate you for this. If you don't feel comfortable talking on the phone (especially if you don't know them), message a brother/sister or a friend from home who could talk to them. 

Listen to them, but don't become a person to vent too. Its easy to become wrapped up in your own problems and not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Talking to people about how you feel when you are really unwell can be validating in a bad way- in your heart you don't believe you are sick and need the validation of hearing someone say that you are to feel slightly better about yourself. This is fine when it is in small doses, but ultimately it isn't improving anything and can make it harder to get better because being ill can become part of your identity when you feel like you don't have one. If someone seems to be doing this, it isn't good for you our the person. With any illness it is good to be able to talk about it, but there is no way you can feel better if it is all you talk about. If a friend is doing this (especially if they are not willing to speak to a professional) nicely explain that its isn't good for your mental health to be under so much stress taking care of them and worrying about them and you're sorry but you have to take care of yourself. 

Nobody is getting out of bed to fundraise for people suffering from psychosis

I have been seeing pictures of the darkness into light walk which was organised by pieata house, and while it makes me happy to think of all these people raising money for a charity that is helping people experiencing suicidal thoughts and self harm, it isn't enough. It allows for an awareness of suicide that doesn't include serious illnesses that devestate the sufferer such as bipolar disorder, anorexia and psychosis. Illnesses that are frightening and misunderstood by most people. 

I went to Pieta House in 2012, and it didn't help me at all. I was very very very unwell. The sessions were geared towards helping people who were dealing with suicidal thoughts and self harm because of a personal crisis, not someone who was suffering from a psychiatric illness. It's great that there is a service for people form whom this sort of help is perfect, and I am in no way trying to bash it, or belittle it. For most people, it is perfect. But I couldn't get the help I needed from this service because it is not geared towards long term support. It is for talking people through difficulties. 

People who experience the sort of difficulties I experienced, people who are extremely vunrable need the help of doctors and psychiatrists, along with a multi disciplinary team that can work with them long term (pieta house only provided 12 sessions) to manage their illness. Chronic depression, bipolar disorder and psychosis (which is diagnosed as schizophrenia after a certain numbers of episodes) seriously reduce the quality of life of the sufferer. They are stigmatised, and difficult to treat, and if are left untreated for the years most people have to wait, make chances of recovery very slim. Suffered often use alcohol and drugs as coping mechanisms to self medicate, which means that when they do end up in hospital they often find it hard to access the right treatment, or are limited by insurance, which only covers (in most cases) 90 days of inpatient treatment. This means that patients are discharged from treatment when they are doing better, but don't yet have the skills to manage their illness in the community, which means when they come out of the community they often relapse into negative coping mechanisms. A vicious circle. 

A friend I know with psychosis (who hasn't received any real, lasting help from an overcrowded health system that is unable to cope and has been forced to come off her meds completely recently due to a mix up with her doctor and GP) has had psychotic episodes where she believes that the devil is controlling her brain and forcing her to do things (such as serious self harm). She has engaged in behaviour in public (such as shouting, climbing trees etc) that she is completely mortified of while lucid but when she is psychotic seem perfectly normal in the reality she is experiencing. Her psychotic episodes often make her think people are trying to kill her, and it is traumatising and terrifying for both her and her family, who end up being her main carers until she is unwell enough to be admitted to hospital in an never ending cycle. 

Even though we both suffer from radically different illnesses, and mine is nowhere near as severe, we both have been let down by the healthcare system and our parents both pay for private health insurance. I can't imagine the path my life would have taken if my family could not afford this, and instead I was forced to wait months for substandard public health care. 

Once again, I think its incredible that people put so much effort into fundraising for Pieta House. If got up at a god awful hour to raise awareness, thank you because you are giving me the confidence to feel like its ok to be open about mental heath. Lets not let this success allow the government (specifically looking at you, Leo) take any more money away from our already pitiful mental health service in this country. And lets not forget about the people who haven't benefited from this increased openness about mental health problems.